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Britain: Another Royal Wedding - how convenient!

Written by Our Royal Correspondent, Olivia Cromwell
Thursday, 25 November 2010

In ancient Rome, when things got a bit tricky, the Emperor would splash out on a series of games complete with gladiators, mock battles, lions eating Christians and other fun for all the family, The idea was to distract people from the realities of life and keep them happy - at least until the Goths arrived for their annual bout of pillaging, sacking and raping.Nowadays, such carnage is not possible - even on X Factor. So we have the next best thing, yet another royal wedding.

In the early 1980s, every effort was made to keep people's minds focused on the main issue - the marriage of Charles to Lady Di - rather than on the rising levels of unemployment, riots in Brixton and so on. We even got a day off for the big day. Now Cameron is hoping for a repeat run following the somewhat convenient announcement of the forthcoming marriage of Prince William to a Kate Middleton. The papers were worried that Ms Middleton may have been unsuitable as her mother used the word toilet in public. However, since no minor princesses were available, due to them all looking like horses, the decision has been made to go with commoner Katie. It even looks likely that the happy day will co-incide with next spring as the cuts start to hit and hundreds of thousands head off to visit the dole office.

William Windsor is a part-time soldier who belongs to a family who all live in various oversized council houses in central London, Windsor and Scotland. His father Charlie, a single parent and plant talker, has no fixed job and lives on state benefit. Indeed, all the family seem to be on long term benefit without sign of this changing. As yet, no attempt has been made to get them low-paid jobs in Tesco's or McDonalds so that they can gain work experience. Uncle Andrew is currently on a Gap Life, which is just as well as his ex-wife "Fergie" has been trying to sell him on the open market. William's brother Harry has also taken on work as a part-time soldier and Hitler impersonator - very useful for parties we understand. His grandmother ' Queenie' has recently joined Harry in this line of work by becoming a Helen Mirren impressionist. She has been warned away from recreating her early roles however on grounds of taste. His grandfather "Duke" has tried to take on work meeting foreigners and offending them. This has not proved very popular with the Foreign office.

All this would be very funny were it not for the fact that the Queen and her successors are actually supposed to be ruling over us! Don't forget that it is Her Majesty's civil service, army, police force and - of course, government. This may just be a technicality but in a time of severe crisis it is a technicality that the ruling class may wish to invoke. That is why we call for the abolition of the Royal family and all their very expensive hangers-on.

Over the next few months the media will be full of this rubbish. No doubt important stories about the cuts, the war, the coalition's attacks on the unemployed etc. will have to make way to accommodate all this. We should say no! This wedding will cost the state millions, yet we are having to face cuts. Let them pop down to the nearest registry office like the rest of us. As thing stand, their future looks a lot rosier than that of most newlyweds as the government sets about making the masses pay for the greed and waste of the capitalist system and its army of bonus-bloated bankers.

Source: Socialist Appeal (Britain)